the truth is...

life is crazy sometimes.

i look around me and see all of the people in my life going through so much.  Everyone has their own situation they have to sort through and resolve.  Sometimes that is the best medicine, to look around me and see that everyone is struggling in some shape or form.  So what makes us go on?  I think everyone has their own reasons for continuing on.  For me its hope and optimism, I met a guy that completely lights up my life and that alone gives me the hope and optimism for a really awesome and bright future.

The last few months have been slightly chaotic; i still have shayla, i still have my apartment, and i still have my amazing group of people that are here for me and love me a great deal.

ch-ch-changes

Wow, much has changed i my life since my last blog post.  Let me sum it up in a list of bullet points

• i moved to seattle
• i dated a lot of guys
• i met an amazing guy (Topher)
• Mike (ex-fiance/best friend) moved into my studio
• separated from Topher
• moved into a new studio
• became a Dr. of Audiology (yay?)
• work has consumed my life
• started talking to a ferret (its even more crazy than it sounds)

Ok, with that said i will now start updating my blog on a regular basis.  I have a lot more time now that Topher is not in my life and I will get into that more in a minute (or future blog posts for that matter).  

Day 1

So this is the first day that I am going to try my hardest to go without talking to mike. We will see how it goes

Follow your heart

Today I woke up and I tried to figure out what was wrong with me. Why was I still so lost and confused. Why was I so tormented. I mean. Hell. My body knew it. And then I realized something. Yesterday when I was talking to mike I poured out my feelings to him and that made me feel better. I felt better because I was going after something that made me happy. So I thought, I need to go after what makes me happy, because isn't that all that matters in life? To follow your heart and do whatever you know makes you happy? And you know what makes me happy...mike. I know it's taking a chance. A risk. A sacrifice. But who cares?!?! The boy makes me happy like no other. And you know what, I made mistakes and he stuck by me for a long long time and he's just awesome!!! I need to go and follow my heart to greener pasteures. Who is to say what will happen. But I know that my heart wants mike. And I don't care if people tell me I'm making the wrong decision because I'm tired of living my life based off of what other people tell me to do. I live my own life and I don't see how there could be any fault in following your heart.

I was thinking about all the wonderful times that mike and I have shared together and how beautiful our relationship was. It sucks that we had to learn from so many mistakes on each other but you know what. He wouldn't have proposed if after all those mistakes he still loved me. I know that boy loves me and I know that there's going to be no one out there that makes him happy the way I do. And now that I have figured out who I am and where I want my life to go, I think this time around it will be right.

I love him. He makes my heart happy and I know I make his heart happy too.

Love and rockets,
Tuan

Every day

Every day I live my life without mike is a day I know that I was able to live my life without mike. And that helps

Dating myself

Okay. So it has come to your attn that mike is probably seeing other people and dating and whatnot. There is nothing wrong with that! You know the both of you deserve to be happy. Whatever will be will be right? So what about you. What do you want for yourself.

I think I want to get to know myself. I was thinking about the whole process of dating and how it is a means of people getting to know one another. So I thought, "if I want to get to know myself, then why not date myself!" it's a weird concept I know. But really think about it. I never really had the chance to get to know who I really am and what makes me happy. I mean. I know who I am and what makes me happy. (see previous blog post). But now I want to thoroughly enjoy being with the person. I always wondered what else there was to life because mike was my reason. He was my everything. But instead if making other people priorities in my life, I want to start making myself a priority in life. Maybe the reason why I hated audiology so much was because of the reason I was doing it. I was doing it primarily for mike. So why not start doing it for myself. You know, the person your dating. Emily told me that there is one person you are going to be with for the rest of your life, yourself. So why don't I start treating that person like they are the reason, the purpose. It's time to start doing what I want for me. Trust me. Everyone will love you for it. They always have.

READ THIS: to remember who you really are!!

are you feeling lost?
having trouble with who you really are?
getting caught up in the material things in life?
find yourself climbing the social ladder to keep up with the jones'?

READ THIS!!! because this is who you really are...youve ALWAYS been this way, you just lost track because its easy to get enamored with the expectations of the world.

simple values
board games
nights with the family (sitting on the bed just watching tv)
a honda civic (because its simple, fun, and easy to toss around)
connecting with people
being active outdoors
laughing, living, loving
family
connecting with people
eating - YUM!
experiencing new cultures (because people are beautiful)
you neices (soon) and nephews

so its okay if you are feeling a little lost, dont get caught up in all the vain and material things...because thats not whats important to you. never forget the person that you were when you were with mike...that real you. Thats why you love mike, because he brings out the real you...now its time to bring out the real you to the whole world...they'll love it, they always have. And dont forget to thank Jen, because without this little chat with her that you had tonight...you wouldnt have been able to see the things that make the real you. Yeah, i really like the real me.