you know whats funny...is that despite everything that has happened and is happening

...

you still stop me in my tracks every time i see you

making my bed

You know that saying, "you've made your bed now lie in it", well...this absolutely applies to my current situation.

I met someone amazing.  He and I share so many interests together and have similar goals in life.  There are a myriad of reasons why we get on so well.  He and I are spiritual, we both believe in the good of others and the good of the world.  We both are going through similar acceptance hurdles from family and we both loathe or current working situations.  The best part about the two of us is that we both love and care for each other a great deal.

However, we've both been through a really difficult year.  The past year has been extremely stressful and emotional for the both of us and I can only speak for myself but i'm pretty certain we both tried the best we could in a really shitty situation.  I certainly could have done a better job.  I became so focused on what i wanted from the relationship that i lost sight of what i had, a loving partner who was trying his best.  I became moody and non-complacent with the situation that I was dealt with, which im sure didn't spur up feelings of warmth and love.  So this leads me into the title of the blog post.  Under an extreme amount of stress from my job, my personal life (breaking up with Topher), and my life with this amazing guy...I tried to make my bed as best as I could.  The increasing amounts of stress and strain on the relationship caused me to make a bed that was only bearable for one.

I'm trying to remake that bed to the way I started making it when we first met.  I don't know if its too late, I don't know if it is a bed that he wants to lay on anymore, but I'm going to try.  Have you ever met the person in your life that you thought you would never meet.  I met that elusive person that I always wanted to come into my life but never believed would.  All I can do is ty my best to make my bed right this time, so that maybe it can be comfortable for two, instead of one.

I look back on "us" before all the stress and before all the hurdles and I see two people that had a blast in Florida, and in Portland, and house sitting a friends house.  I see long walks talking about our lives and looking at houses we both might live in one day.  I look back and i see happiness personified in the form of a match between two people.  I havent forgotten how awesome we were and still can be. I can't be perfect and im sure there will be mistakes in the future...but sometimes you find someone that gives you something you never thought you could feel.

So heres to trying to remake that bed.

distractions

sometimes i use distractions in life to get by.  i think distractions are okay, as long as they dont inhibit self growth and the road to real happiness.

with that said, i need better distractions like vacations, things for shayla, plane tickets home...not expensive cars or other material things.

must. stay. focused

the truth is...

life is crazy sometimes.

i look around me and see all of the people in my life going through so much.  Everyone has their own situation they have to sort through and resolve.  Sometimes that is the best medicine, to look around me and see that everyone is struggling in some shape or form.  So what makes us go on?  I think everyone has their own reasons for continuing on.  For me its hope and optimism, I met a guy that completely lights up my life and that alone gives me the hope and optimism for a really awesome and bright future.

The last few months have been slightly chaotic; i still have shayla, i still have my apartment, and i still have my amazing group of people that are here for me and love me a great deal.

ch-ch-changes

Wow, much has changed i my life since my last blog post.  Let me sum it up in a list of bullet points

• i moved to seattle
• i dated a lot of guys
• i met an amazing guy (Topher)
• Mike (ex-fiance/best friend) moved into my studio
• separated from Topher
• moved into a new studio
• became a Dr. of Audiology (yay?)
• work has consumed my life
• started talking to a ferret (its even more crazy than it sounds)

Ok, with that said i will now start updating my blog on a regular basis.  I have a lot more time now that Topher is not in my life and I will get into that more in a minute (or future blog posts for that matter).  

Day 1

So this is the first day that I am going to try my hardest to go without talking to mike. We will see how it goes

Follow your heart

Today I woke up and I tried to figure out what was wrong with me. Why was I still so lost and confused. Why was I so tormented. I mean. Hell. My body knew it. And then I realized something. Yesterday when I was talking to mike I poured out my feelings to him and that made me feel better. I felt better because I was going after something that made me happy. So I thought, I need to go after what makes me happy, because isn't that all that matters in life? To follow your heart and do whatever you know makes you happy? And you know what makes me happy...mike. I know it's taking a chance. A risk. A sacrifice. But who cares?!?! The boy makes me happy like no other. And you know what, I made mistakes and he stuck by me for a long long time and he's just awesome!!! I need to go and follow my heart to greener pasteures. Who is to say what will happen. But I know that my heart wants mike. And I don't care if people tell me I'm making the wrong decision because I'm tired of living my life based off of what other people tell me to do. I live my own life and I don't see how there could be any fault in following your heart.

I was thinking about all the wonderful times that mike and I have shared together and how beautiful our relationship was. It sucks that we had to learn from so many mistakes on each other but you know what. He wouldn't have proposed if after all those mistakes he still loved me. I know that boy loves me and I know that there's going to be no one out there that makes him happy the way I do. And now that I have figured out who I am and where I want my life to go, I think this time around it will be right.

I love him. He makes my heart happy and I know I make his heart happy too.

Love and rockets,
Tuan